he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
