I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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