I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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