Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
