i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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