She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize