my mouth tastes like poor choices
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
