I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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