Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
