Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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