my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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