and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
