Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize