thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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