You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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