I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
