She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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