Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
