You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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