I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
