Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
