she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My ass is underappreciated
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
