so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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