My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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