honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
