If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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