I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
