Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
