I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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