all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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