Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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