Well apparently he's into motor boating.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
