You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
