I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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