I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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