Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
