well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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