i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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