Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He passed out mid-signature
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
