You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
