Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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