I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
