I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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