im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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