JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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