Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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