me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
