May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
