wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It was confusing and full of hummus
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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