i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I am available for nakedness
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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