Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
