yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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