Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
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