Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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