This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
