have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
