It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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