All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
