I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
