he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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