I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
