I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
