i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
