I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
