i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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