and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think a kid would responsible me up
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
