Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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