so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
